Cover

Cover

by Becky Higgs
11/16/2009

Cover me Lord
With your healing wings of love

Cover me Lord
With your loving wings of healing

Cover me Lord
Protect me from me

Cover me Lord
With your wings of forgiveness

Cover me Lord
With your wings of restoration

Cover me Lord
With your wings of wisdom

Cover me Lord
With your wings of discernment

Your wings are soft upon my cheeks
As You dry my tears of self-doubt

Lord help me to be quiet in my spirit
To lay at Your feet and to accept the cover You offer

Thank You for the tender touch of the love
In the cover of Your wings
That You provide for me because You love me

Paying Off

Once again I am staring in the face of more debt caused by past responsibilities of my spouse. I (we) have paid off the debt he (we) owed to his daughter because of the lawnmower he 'had' to have. I (we) have paid off the debt to the IRS he (we) owed because he ignored a 1099 three years ago. Now, there is more debt he (we) owe due to not paying off a credit card from years ago.

  As I wrote that I had to put the 'wes' in there----to remind myself WE are in this thing called marriage together.

I knew he didn't manage his money well before I married him, but I had NO idea that it was as bad as it is!!

I am trying to look at this from the stand point of, 'What does God want ME to learn through this'. 

Yes, God has provided me with the desire to be debit free. He has also provided the funds when these debts needed to paid off.

Trust? YES, a resounding YES. I do trust that I (we) will get through this one too.

Words Spoken About Me

Recently two of my dearest friends spoke very sweet words to me--about me. I have a hard time owning these words. But these two precious women KNOW me, so could they be right? But I keep thinking that if they KNEW me they would know these things could NOT be true. So, why the self doubt? Why not just accept the kind words?

Monica wrote, You have shown me how to live life full of gratitude and love.

June wrote, Most of your life is characterized by thankfulness and all of your live is characterized by love.

I will have to ponder these statements for a while.

Under the Tree

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women found each other,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women raised up their babies,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women lost themselves,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women learned who was the Master,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women lost the lives they had for so long,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women found themselves again,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women learned to dream again,

Under the Tree
     Where a couple of women . . .

Hurt

July 9, 2012

How can I even begin to describe the pain of this hurt?

I am overwhelmed with sadness, has it been done intentionally? No. Are they really that selfish? No. Do they not understand all I have done for them? No. Do they realize the deep heart piercing pain I am feeling? No.

Ever since I had children I have put them first. Yes, first, usually even before my own needs and wants. I thought it was what I was suppose to do. While growing up it was a decision I made and a promise I made to myself. At the time I didn't realize that the bond between the two of them would become so strong that I would become an afterthought.

I am so hurt that I can't even write about it.

They know what family means to me they know how important those babies are to me they know I would and have done anything for them they know they have always been first they know I will drop everything and jump and run when they call

July 11, 2012

After thinking about this for 4 days and many tears I have some more thoughts to share.

Because of the lack of a relationship with my mother, as a child, I decided to have what I didn't have with my mother with my girls . And because of this promise to myself, I guess out of guilt I have placed on myself, I have always gone overboard to be available to them.

I guess I have allowed myself to be "manipulated" (probably too strong of a word) by them. They know the weakness I have for them and the grandbabies and they play this to their advantage.

As I said, manipulation is probably too strong of a word--but in essence this is what it is. And I allow it, out of my guilt to be sure I am ALWAYS available when they need/want me!!

So, how do I get past the hurt and move forward and not have the guilt?

I don't know.

From briers and thorns to living with the pure of heart

Saturday, July 30, 2011 as I read Isaiah 55:11-13 this is what it said to me.

How many briers there were in my life
how many thorns grew from my tongue
I did not know the despair I was in
I had been brought up with briers, thorns and thistles
I learned to walk with them
I learned how to use them to get what I wanted
Then that day--He came upon me
He lifted me high above what I had been living in
He showed me how I could live among the pure of heart
He showed me the beauty in my heart and in my soul
He told me how wonderful I am in His eyes
He saw me as beautiful
He delighted in me
I ask--Why would you do this for me?
Why? Because I made you in My image and because I love you
He always loved me
He was always protecting me
And when I was broken beyond human repair He rescued me
All of this was to show me His everlasting love and compassion for His broken one

Sadness and Happiness at the Same Time?

I began this blog in April 2011. And I am finishing it today, June 20, 2011.

Oh my, so much to be happy about and I am about overcome with sadness at what I am losing and giving up. But so excited at what I am gaining. How can these two emotions be so strong at the same time. How can my heart feel full of anticipation and excitement and my eyes so full of tears?

Sadness over losing my freedom. Freedom to go and come as I like. Freedom to eat when and what I want. Freedom over the remote!! Freedom to hog the entire bed. Freedom to please only me. Freedom to go out with the girls.

As the day of marriage draws nearer and nearer the anticipation and excitement are drying my tears. They are being replaced with overwhelming excitement. Below are the things I can think of off the top of my head!!

Anticipation and excitement about spending evenings cuddling with the one I love. Anticipation and excitement about Saturday mornings having coffee on the patio.
Anticipation and excitement about someone to help me do the yard!!!
Anticipation and excitement about cooking dinner with a friend.
Anticipation and excitement about a fishing buddy!
Anticipation and excitement about someone to study the Bible with!
Anticipation and excitement about someone to just hang out with.
Anticipation and excitement about having someone to share goals and dreams with.
Anticipation and excitement about dreaming about the "perfect" house.
Anticipation and excitement about dream vacations.

I am so happy I can't stand it!!! I love Terry Don and can't wait to be Mrs. Carico! He makes me laugh, and sometimes cry when I am laughing so hard!! He makes me feel special. He also make me feel sexy! I can't help but to smile when I think about him. See, all the tears about what I am "giving up" are gone. Look at what I am gaining.

I love you Terry Don.