Thursday, June 17, 2010

Listening to God

Twice in the last two days I have been directed to 2Timothy 1:7. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Humm, interesting as I begin a relationship after not being in one for 6 years. There is a lot of fear in this area.

I'm not afraid of falling in love, I'm afraid of the unknown.

I keep putting the past on the present. I keep thinking yeah, ____ used to say that. Yeah, ____ did things like that. Yeah, ____ was nice at first.

I like the unknown things. The tenderness. The sound of a man's voice on my phone. The soft kisses. Being teased and laughing together. The sweet words he speaks to me.

But to let go of the fear? When I think about letting go and maybe letting him touch my heart, I get a tightness in my stomach. My throat tightens up. I feel hot all over. I want to run the other way and just stay with the familiar.

The familiar--home alone, no one calls! I can come and go when and where I want--no one to answer to! Just me, alone. No one can hurt me here.

Fear--an ineffective response that distorts reality and clouds the decision making process.

Fear--it is holding me back.

I can't say yes to the future if I am unwilling to let go of the past.

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