Trust

Trust—

God knows how this word has tripped me up all my life. I trust too much, too soon, and sometimes for too long.
It is an issue He has been working at to get me to trust Him, totally unconditionally, with everything in my life. I give Him some things only to take them back again because I have held them so close for so long. It is too hard not to have them to hold onto.
In my silly little mind—I know I can do all things in my own strength!! I have for so long, so I thought! Only to realize that all I have done and been through God was walking with me the entire time. Even when I have so boldly put my clenched fist up to Him and so very boldly told Him, ‘I don’t need you.’ He still loved me, still cared for me, still wanted me to be part of His flock.
I think about the past. All the people in my life that were suppose to love and protect me and didn’t. Why? Because they didn’t know how? Because they didn’t really love me? Because they were self-serving? Why?
I don’t have the answers to those questions. And if I take time to be quiet—God tells me it doesn’t matter—He knows how to love me and that is all that truly matters. He is willing to love me no matter what I have done in the past, what I am doing right now or what I will do in the future. He loves me, unconditionally.
So, when someone trusts me, unconditionally, sharing their pain from the past, what do I do with it? I cherish it. It is a glimpse into their heart. In return it opens my heart to trust them with some of my pain from the past. I have to trust that they in turn will cherish what I have shared and it will open their heart to trust me more.
To earn someone’s trust, I think I have to be vulnerable. In return, when I am vulnerable, I am showing trust to the person I am being vulnerable with.
Trust is being vulnerable, knowing I can’t do it all alone, saying ‘I need you’, to someone other than myself.
This is what God wants, me to be vulnerable to Him in all areas of my life. He wants me to give Him my hurts, fears, regrets, mistakes, misgivings and pains and trust that He will hold them close to His heart. He wants to heal all these areas in my life so I can move on without them holding me back.
So the area in my life that has tripped me up the most is the area that God has proved Himself over and over again.
Today He is telling me to be vulnerable, to trust, to let go! He will be here beside me each step of the way, so when I get scared all I have to do is tell Him. When I let go and trust He will ease my trembling heart. By being vulnerable with Him I am learning to trust Him and others in my life.